Alone

 

 

I wouldn't trade my life, or Camden, for the world.

He completes me and makes my life much happier than its ever been.

 

I envy some of you though.

 

I envy the thought of waking up in the morning and getting stuff done or running errands without a million other thoughts processing through my head.

Sometimes it would be nice just to wake up, get myself ready and go about my day.

Instead, I'm feeding one mouth, and it isn't mine...

cleaning, getting stuff ready (which is hardly ever myself), and rushing

to get to places before its a nap or feeding time.

Because for those of you who have a child, understand that if you

mess with those times....WW3.

 

As I sat in line at Kailyn Lowry's book signing the other day I listened to a girls conversation with her friend..laughing about what they did last week, other friends, and just normal girl talk.

I began to get jealous that they even had things to talk about other than what your kid ate for lunch. and how many teeth they had coming in now.

 

6,000 people have read my blog. I have 2,500 Instagram followers, and hundreds of facebook friends.

And yet, I'm still alone. I still twiddle my thumbs everyday in the same four walls

watching Yo Gabba Gabba and Daniel Tiger more times than I can count.

I know I've said I'm a bad texter but I assure you when it comes to hanging out or

actually trying to make plans with me other than texting behind a screen I'm much more sociable.

I've tried to break my habit of horrible texting, but I still find it pointless.

Texting and calling goes both ways, and I don't see it coming my way either.

People have lives...I get that...I have one myself.

But it just makes me sad sometimes that I can't remember the last time

someone has randomly texted me to get together, or hangout.

 

It gets lonely going everywhere with a 9 month old.

I can't sit at lunch with him and have a conversation

or go shopping with him and laugh about things...unless it has to do with

me making some ridiculous looking face and dancing around in the middle of Walmart.

 

Billy and I of course get to spend time together, but that's only for a few hours a day.

He leaves for work at 5, and doesn't get home until 5.

Camden needs a bath and gets ready for bed around 8.

So that leaves 3 hours to talk around also taking care of Camden.

Then by the time Camden is in bed, we're basically ready for bed.

Weekends vary because he does side work with power washing.

Then the time we actually have no plans, we spend grocery shopping or

getting the stuff we need like diapers, and running around doing errands.

 

I accepted what came with being a Mother.

I still wake up at 7 am everyday and put on a happy face because

I love that I have Camden by my side through everything.

But sometimes its just nice to be reminded that I am 21 years old.

I'm still young, and I still have a lot of life ahead of me that some days doesn't

always have to be around dirty diapers and Nick Jr.

It would be nice just to get some fresh air, meet new faces, enjoy new things and go places.

 

I feel like my life is so wrapped around the social media because it's all I have anymore.

To vent, laugh, meet friends. But in the end...I'm still just alone.